What keeps you awake at night? This weekend one of the pastors at my church asked us this question. He said that what keeps you awake reveals the area that you don’t trust God in. Talk about a punch to the gut! I felt convicted in that moment to reflect on where my faith is lacking and this also made me reflect on the journey of widowhood and how it has affected my faith in our good God.
If you are like me, when you lost your spouse, you questioned everything. You wondered, why him? Why so young? You thought about the child who wouldn’t have her dad to see her grow-up and you felt intense sadness, frustration and in those moments lacked hope and faith.
Some people may say they were angry at God after the loss of their spouse. I was never truly angry, but I was definitely rattled in believing that God would take care of me. I mean He didn’t heal my husband, so was He really Jehovah-Jireh, my provider? Wouldn’t a good God who provides realize that I needed my husband? That my daughter needs her dad? That our family, friends, and those that loved him needed him on this earth longer?
Then something happened in me as I started walking this journey, I saw our good God providing. I’m not speaking about just the financial needs, but the emotional and spiritual needs. He showed up in those moments when I was in intense pain and God brought that friend to say the right thing. Those moments when my daughter was breaking down and my mom called, showed up unexpectedly or told me she was praying for me that morning not knowing what was going on. He provided me with the community that I spoke about in last month’s blog. He provided me the ability to step back into leadership and get involved in my church again. He provided me with my now husband through a series of provisional moments that would fill a book. A husband that I am now blessed to be in ministry with and see God doing great things in and through.
The name of God, Jehovah-Jireh, comes from the story of Abraham and his willingness to sacrifice his son, Issac, to God (by the way, how in the world did Abraham do this?), believing that Jehovah-Jireh would provide another option. God provided just that and He also provided a future for Issac and used Issac to impact future generations. You see God provided. He didn’t tell Abraham His plans in advance. He didn’t tell him what He was going to do, but He showed up and is Jehovah-Jireh, the provider.
So, today, when I’m tempted to fret about the future and stay awake with those worries, I will think back to those times that God has provided and remember the journey He has taken me on. No matter what you or I are facing (and I know you may be facing some pretty awful things on this widowhood journey), remember our God is a God that provides. He knows your needs and He is already working to provide them. I will close with this scripture that I go to often when I’m stressed, worried or staying awake worrying and I know our God, Jehovah-Jireh will provide for you today. “Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.” Philippians 4:6-8
Amy Woody brings her personal experience and passion for helping others to her work with widows. She wants you to never forget you have a purpose and a God-given calling placed on your life, no matter what you've been through! Use your hurt to help others!