A Mother’s Day Tribute – Vanessa’s Life Update

Eleven years ago, Vanessa Butler-Crouch became a mom. Her children, Bethany and Jason, were six and five at the time and had faced an early childhood of trauma that was all too familiar to Vanessa. Their father (Vanessa’s husband, Josh) and their biological mother had been in and out of prison. The kids had been living with their grandparents in what Vanessa calls “the cycle”.

 “My own mom was always a good mom,” Vanessa says. “But there was a lot of dysfunctions in my family and extended family. Except my mom, all of them used something, whether it was weed or pills or alcohol, that was the dynamic of the family.” Her father was “in and out” of the house, but she looked up to him and loved him. When he died, Vanessa was 16 and a relatively casual user of marijuana and methamphetamine. His death escalated her own criminal behaviors. “I looked up to him,” Vanessa says, “and he was a drug addict.”

Vanessa sold drugs, robbed a house for drug money, and her addiction spiraled.

“In March of 2010,” Vanessa remembers, “I got in trouble for stealing a pair of shoes.” Although Vanessa was only in her early twenties, she called herself “drained”. She was sentenced to three years in prison.

Vanessa reported to Eddie Warrior Correctional Center with high hopes. She believed that the Department of Corrections was going to “correct” her and looked forward to the opportunity to change. But after some time inside, she wasn’t changing. She was getting in fights, selling prohibited items on the yard, and although she wasn’t using drugs, she had little to no hope that, when her time was up, she wouldn’t settle back into her destructive lifestyle.

In April 2011, Vanessa “hit rock bottom”. For perhaps the first time in her life, while sitting in a holding cell on lockdown, she prayed. “Lord, if you are real, I need you to show up. And while I was in lock, He revealed Himself to me.”

In total, Vanessa served about five more months; “but I was changed.”

Her prayer life continued to grow. After praying for a Christian “bunkie”, Vanessa was assigned to bunk with Tammy Franklin, one of the most outspokenly faithful women in Eddie Warrior at the time. “I think Tammy had a 20-year sentence. But I had seen her on the yard all the time and she was bubbly and happy like she was getting out tomorrow.”

Tammy introduced Vanessa to Rhonda Bear, who was teaching her first Women in Transition class at Eddie Warrior at the time. Vanessa remembers sitting in the Women in Transition course, hearing Rhonda tell her story of addiction, incarceration, faith, and Stand in the Gap. “I knew that if she could change, I could change. And that gave me hope.”

As Vanessa’s release date approached, her mom told her not to come home. “She knew it wasn’t gonna be good for me.” Tammy also had advice for her young bunkie; “Go to Rhonda’s [transitional living] program in Claremore.”

Soon, Vanessa became one of the house managers in Rhonda’s transitional living program and was matched with a Stand in the Gap small group. Her Stand in the Gap team became like surrogate family to Vanessa. “They embraced me and loved me. I think they loved me how I was supposed to be loved. They showed me what normal was and they helped me realize my potential.”
“I came out of prison with just a little bit of hope, but mostly with fear. Then the hope starts to grow and grow and grow because Stand in the Gap places people who are healthy in your life.”

Vanessa remembers the simple lessons she learned from one of her Stand in the Gap volunteers, Lisa. “Lisa taught me how to talk correctly. She taught me how to dress modestly. She showed me it was possible for women to have careers and still be great wives and moms.”

As Vanessa grew into adulthood, she received the mentorship, support, and love from three strong maternal figures (besides her mom) in Tammy, Rhonda, and Lisa. Each of those women changed the trajectory of Vanessa’s life.

Vanessa had always wanted to be a mother. She believed from previous pregnancies, which had all ended in miscarriages, that she would never get that opportunity. Instead, she met and married Josh and almost immediately, the couple received full custody of Bethany and Jason.

“I had this deep desire to be a mom. I feel like God knew. He knew this moment would come in my life.”

Eleven years later, her children are planning their next steps after high school. Vanessa and Josh are celebrating graduations, career plans, football games, and fishing trips. “Seeing them grow up and choose good things and find their voices, it’s the most rewarding thing.”

Fourteen years since she took Stand in the Gap’s Women in Transition class at Eddie Warrior Correctional Center, Vanessa is now a Certified Recovery Support Specialist at Grand Mental Health. She’s working on her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Oklahoma.

Looking back on her Stand in the Gap experiences, Vanessa feels that they brought stability to her life, showing her what “normal” was and giving her the faith to “break the cycle.”

The beauty of Stand in the Gap is that that’s exactly what Vanessa is doing for so many others through her work at Grand Mental Health, but mostly for the two not-so-little-kids who call her “mom.”